Donna (elfinmajic) wrote,

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Contemplating Drugs

No one should read this I am just venting as usual... I may regret writing in 10 mins. Who knows... But I am so mad... the venting must be done...

I am thinking I need some Happy pills. (Like every other person in the world takes like prozac or such.) And school hasn't even started. Maybe if I focus my life more on school and forget my idiotic family I would be feeling a lot better. But this is the last week of staying home and doing nothing with the idiot family.

I am so mad at my spouse. He works constantly. He never asks me about my life, he hardly interacts with the kids and he does NOTHING for them. I take them everywhere, feed them, run them, pick them up, yadda yadda yadda. He works. It would be great if he worked and got paid extra, but he don't, he just works for the freakin fun of it.

His mother is visiting and she is only here for a few hours, but one comment totally ticked me off. She was trying to say in a nice way that she wasn't too upset Taylor went to visit his cousin for three days. I wanted to say.. um when the fuck have you ever been anywhere for my child? When have you ever offered to babysit or have them over or done anything. The ONE TIME he did visit you - HE had to ask if he could visit. So no I don't make him stay around when you suddenly decide to devote some time to family.

K on the other horse... I am so angry all the freaking time. I am angry with my Own mother who is constantly bossing me, and telling me what to do and trying to manipulate me or control me. It so pisses me off. I really need to write and get this off my chest every day.

I wish this computer was in the living room so I could do this and watch tv. But asshole/workaholic wanted a quiet office so he could work at HOME.. Cept now he is never in it, cause he is on his laptop out there working in front of the tv. Since he basically ran the kids off... see... the constant circle I am in.

I don't like the people I am stuck with all the time, and I am wondering if I need to make a major change or if once I start school I will adjust and get over the ticked off attitude. or what... i dunno...
I am sure J1 has someone on the side and so that is leaving a real bad taste in my mouth. I tossed J2 OUT the window. Should have never even spoke with him, and now I am happy he is gone. He was a bit weird.
So I am at a loss - a weird space in my life, where I want to be alone, and find new people that make me feel great to be around.

maybe I am just sick...
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