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Donna

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good points for 1:1 [28 Apr 2012|10:04pm]
[ mood | excited ]

With the iPads in the class you have constant participation, all are asked to find examples of something and then they all give different points of view on their finds and why.

If students are watching a How To video or teaching each other how to do something on the iPad -- they know more - which is my goal.

If a student is shy, or timid they won't ask to see a video again. But with the iPads they can watch it over and over until they individually understand. If the goal is HOW to learn something students can show you how.

Students have their own choice - this is a huge advantage, because now we have asked them to read all the same thing in the textbook, now I am asking pick an article You like and tell us how and why it is important and on the web, and what makes you think it is the best story. or such. Again students are evaluating their choices and learning more about what grabs their attention.

The students want to learn with the iPads, and I know they don't come to school every day to fail, they come so they won't fail... so we need to do things that engage and make sure they are learning for their future.

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ok finally back [28 Apr 2012|09:31pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Wow I forgot about this blog a while, but I need to post things I can't write about in public and no one knows me on here except a few friends. I love this. But I haven't been on in a while and I need to keep up more with blogging about my days so I can keep up with what I am learning so fast and furiously.

I posted something to my blogger but that is for school mostly, and mostly positive. I need to post more.

Family is good, all working and living life. Tyler bought a jeep she loves, she works at a bank and lives with us. She is trying college but don't like it so far. She has many many boys to juggle and but none serious.

Taylor is driving a surban this week, and working a lot with Lets Jump. He is working on cars on the side as always. He doesn't have any special girl either, he says he is too busy.

My parents still live with us and my mother still drives me nuts. Today her comment was..."if you would have told me that Donna would be my one child to make more than 55k a year, I would have laughed in your face." Gee mom thanks for the confidence... so now my goal is to make like 60 or 80K just to shock the shit out of her and her low expectations for me. She is a big stress causer in my life. She cooks and won't stop, she makes greasy southern food which is awesome to come home and have dinner ready I will admit, but I can't keep eating it, I am gaining more and more weight. GRR. But I walk to get out of the house, and I work ALOT a whole lot to stay away from her. My daddy is happy, sleeps in his chair a lot. Watches the mavs basketball, racing and tv all the time. He sleeps a lot. They both LOVE the kiddoes and do all kinds of things with them.

I just finished a really HOT book called 50 Shades of Grey - it was really good. I will try to get the second book soon.

I read The Fault in our Stars for kids and its really good. I am currently reading Romeitte and Julio in class, its pretty good too.
I won a grant for a Pilot program with iPads they are so cool. I love having them and I am learning a ton so fast. This week we had testing and thats about it. But next week we will do more with them. It makes school so exciting now. The kids love it.

I have meetings every day this week after school. ... .good grief.
I am very very busy lately. I am the campus tech - who fixes your computer when it breaks
I am the gradebook person for the district - who helps any teacher in the district with their grade book
I am a G.T. trainer - making workshops for this summer already
I have report due on the 1:1 pilot program due Wednesday
I have a board meeting May 21st to show report for board.
I am working on the Curriculum & Instruction committee for Reading scope and sequence.

This is keeping me very very busy it is no wonder I can't blog. or think or cook or write anymore.

We still have the three dogs. They are all old but great. We now have one bird that my mother caught and lives with her... can't believe it, a parkeet just came and sat with her one day. Its crazy. But o.k. and now down to one cat. But of course Ty has the hope of a kitten soon.. so who knows.. lol.

I miss pounding out the keyboard. Now all I do is tap. I will make sure it saves my password since I can't seem to remember them ALL.

I have a ton to do..

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friday.... [08 Feb 2008|10:03pm]
Yeah, school is out for a weekend. I love Fridays just for that... this week has been weird, started off o.k., with Sunday with clients of johns, and such, but turned weird by Tuesday night, had tons to do. no time, no time with john and little he did have, he put me off, so... here I sit, talking online with my "F" buddy whom I have not seen since august and nor do I want to see his pencil I mean him again. Just I am so bored that, he is who I talk to. Its sad really.

I have made a plan to spend the same amount of time John spends with me, with him. I mean with out the fucking phone attached to his head. So, really life is the same as him being on the road, just here he sits in an office, while I do everything else, deal with parents, parent the children and such. While he works, so.... we shall see how this goes... so far this week I think he spent 8 mins, speaking to me, or sitting beside me or noticing that I am here. So that gives us a total of 8 mins...

I should just name this as my pissed off writing journal... back later...
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saturdays [02 Feb 2008|08:39pm]
To clear up that last post, It should have said Diane Keaton. Not lane, I have no idea who lane is. goofy tho I think.

I am home alone tonight. I hate that. been home alone this week every day... John has worked probably 24/7 these last two weeks due to crazy crap at his office, it makes me sick how much he works and how much he don't get paid for it.

I am lonesome and its getting old. I am really unhappy about my life. Living with my mother is enough to drive a person nutty. I have no friends up here in the city and that gets old. I don't understand the ones I have from the country. The kiddoes are my friends. They are going out now and about all the time.

I am sitting at home watching reruns, which normally would be fine, except I hate it. I wonder how long this will last.....

Today I walked the dogs, ate chinese food and took a nap. SWANG in my swing out back for like an hour.... um thats it. Went to the library, I am going to look up some books I want to request from the library and download some music... and watch some more reruns... since j won't be home til like 10. Then he will be on the computer until like 12.

tomorrow he wants me to go to his sisters... which I don't wanna go over there with his parents.... however i wouldn't be lonesome....one of taylor's friends mom needs help with her english class, and I should go help her tomorrow, she also wants us to come over for the game... I don't really want to... and John wants me to go with him and clients to some church in Dallas (really its just work again for him)...I don't know if I want to or not.

I am off work Monday and have a lot to do. I am taking kids to get drivers licenses/permits. I am going to try to get on with Keller ISD one more time - or NORTHWEST ISD. anywhere but where I am...but I have a ton of school work I should be working on, grading and organizing stuff. but I am not... just having my own little pity party here at home... like a bump on a pickle...
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the new year... flashed past [26 Jan 2008|09:53pm]
[ mood | calm ]

This school year is in fast forward it seems. My life is in fast forward, suddenly I am feeling forty, flabby and freaked. This is the year I am supposed to make some major changes and become a new person... smaller and whatever. It isn't happening. I am so in love with food I guess, I dunno.

School is school and still a freakin hour away in traffic which sucks. Winter in Texas sucks too.

Kids are good. They are not liking how hard school is getting, they would like to escape back to the country where they feel life is sooooooo much easier, or whatever I dunno. I think moving here was good for Taylor although he hates it the most, but hard on Tyler because she struggles with school. It seems so advanced for her and so average for him. But both are struggling. They love the social side of life, have tons of friends and such. John is home more now. He is in office job (leadership type job) so that keeps him busy.

I haven't made lots of friends at school because like every other job, teachers are competitive and backstabbing. I mostly try to stay central and do my job well. I play a lot with the students, and they are quite fun.

I am not reading lately. I have found I want to be more stylish, and graceful. Which I am working on a lot. But ultimately I think Grace is something you are born with and not just something you can be. But I have been reading books about HOW To not look OLD. Thinking in my small mind, it could help, hell anything could help. LOL!!

I walk my dogs a lot still. It's nice to be alone and get away from the parents who are still living with us down stairs, and the teenagers who are still living with us of course upstairs. LOL. We had a great Christmas, we stayed home and had others visit us. It was fun. John's parents moved back from the Island of St. Thomas and they live in Dallas now and love it. So that is nice to have them around again.

I thought about going back to college and priced it and decided i need to pay off a few things before that happens. (like everything...but o.k.)

My daddy built me a giant swing in my back yard. Since we can not afford to put the back porch on the house right away, he built a swing and of course it is HUGE but I love it. I love the projects my dad likes to do. He is doing o.k. up here, but he sits in his chair a lot and I wonder if he is happy. He watches TV almost ALL day long. He likes to do little projects like work on the bikes, or build something. He really likes to help the neighbors with stuff. I didn't know he was so social with neighbors.

I now swing daily unless it is too cold. Yesterday the weather was like 30 and today a whopping 70. Its crazy. Ice on Friday, sunburn on Saturday. LOL!!

I read an interview last week with the actress, Diane Lane. She was saying that the reason she isn't married is because she felt, when she was with a man, she gave up herself to be what he wanted or what she thought he would want, and so she never really felt real with her now ex-husband. She was like 50 and adopted her two kids on her own. So that is neat. I thought for a long time I don't like her much, but lately I kind of do. I know I feel like that a lot when john is around, I try to be what he wants. Is that normal? I dunno, is he trying to be what I want? damn thats a big question...

Mmm is the same opinionated self. She is a huge help in the house department. She cooks, cleans and does all the laundry. Dinner is ready when I come home, oh and she shops for us buys all the food and such. I know it is every womans dream to have all that done for you but someday's when you know you are eating the leftovers, from two weeks ago, that you just want to do something YOURSELF. I miss cooking what I want. I do when they take little trips which so far since September has ONLY been 2 days. NOt that I am counting or anything....

well i should go find something to focus my brain on a while, lately it has not been settled to read, or write, or draw, or scrap, or paint. It has been jumping from place to place.
I shall go surf livejournal and find interesting writers....
until then....
d

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winding down [29 Dec 2007|07:07pm]
[ mood | blank ]

here we go, the year is winding down.  All is well, I suppose....kids are in high school right behind the house, i am teaching, hubby is working. parents are well dogs are good...

i am addicted to football, why i have no idea... but oh well... i am off to watch...

later donna

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reflecting on the week... [29 Sep 2007|05:39pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Well, school went uncommonly well for me this week. I am loving my classes. The kids are just hilarious and if you just let them be themselves and get to know them, they are so cool. And it helps that I am teaching easy classes (not tested classes) so there is no pressure to make sure the KNOW and MEMORIZE every freaking thing we do. So we play games, read aloud books, and write a lot. The kids love my class.

I have to go grade, and plan for next week. I also need a nap. I have a new book to read by Suzanne Brockman.

J1 and I went on a date to the state fair. It was nice of him, I have been saying I wanted to go for years. Mostly to me, its a big idiot thing, where you spend money to do..um not a lot. But I do like people watching so it was a bit entertaining for that. I did ride that big ferris wheel too, the largest ride in the Northern Hemisphere... cool...

ty went to julies, tay is on a date.... and um... we are sitting here being the parents we are....

I am a bit tired...
later...d

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and then again... [02 Sep 2007|08:07pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Today was Sunday- I read a book by Sandra Brown. It was good. I spent my entire morning on it. She is one of my fav. writers.

*****

I cooked dinner. I wanted something different. I wanted baked chicken that was not dry and nasty. So I made this mcormick thing in a bag and it was pretty tasty I must say. Taylor liked it. Mom was smug and said it was alright. But she commented that my daddy always let me have the last piece of meat, but I never think about what he likes when I cook. Which is full of bullshit. I know he don't like chicken. But I don't like beef every freakin day. She can cook that crap. Today I tried to count the negative things she says to me and believe it or not... I lost count. Fuckin A
*****

today she points out a late notice from an insurance company i have no idea we have insurance with this company - and she laughed a bit, and says well you better find out before it is cancelled. It bothered me that she reads my mail and crap... it just bothers me. J1 is somewhere at the airport and crap so I cooked a real meal for him and he didn't show. So oh well .. i will let him deal with the freakin bills. Its his turn. Maybe if he did it he will realize he needs to either make more money at his present job, or find a freakin NEW one.
*****

so i walked the dogs, and fell into a slump of crappy attitude again. Freaking life I have.... why can't I get out of this slump...
I want pills pill to make me skinny...
pills to make me happy...
pills to make my bills disappear... instead of getting bigger for more pills... lol.. speaking of those.. i must make Tyler a doc appointment to get her pills from medco....for school...
life sucks and I am lonesome once again...
I want something to entertain my brain, and make me feel real...

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Back to School [01 Sep 2007|10:22am]
[ mood | calm ]

Well we have started this thing called Reflections at school and it makes kids think back on the class each day and write what they have learned and how they plan to use what they learn. Lots of teachers hate it, but I like it because it is good to get them to write.

So I had already decided to do that kind of thing for my own weeks of school and watch how my attitude changes along with the seasons.

But we did the first week. It went surprisingly well. I love my kids, I have only 16 in my homeroom and my 6th graders only have 20. So I have less students than all the other classes. They are really cool kids, different and all very smart. I will have to be prepared for sure.
1. What went well - my map activities and my movies went well for sure.
2. What needs work, organization of upcoming work, copies, and lesson planning better. My success rotation isn't working at all. I need to get that worked out better.
3. Coolest kids this week: Dakota, Noah, Gavin, Journee!!!

On a personal note:
I am glad we have a 3 day weekend. I am off to read a while then go to Brandy J. for dinner and family...(even tho I am the fat cousin in the goup) I didn't get to walk alot this week cause of school. I did fit in about 3 times but not serious workout. I did bike one day and tennis one day before J1 left. That was on Sunday it was a good workout. But still NO weight loss.
I am missing J1 cause he is gone off to a job in North Carolina.
I told J2 it was over. Stop IMing me. But now I know who he looks like - I could never think of the movie star when I was with him. But it is Matt Damon - Bourne Identity. He looks just like him. It's wierd. But oh well so long. The last encounter we had together was just stupid and I felt so fat and completely nasty that I thought why am I doing this to myself- it doesn't make me feel better. It is stupid. He is so young and totally just wants to fuck. So - I don't need a fuck buddy. To be brutally honest.
On the other hand I am totally lonely when j1 is gone...drives me nuts. I am constantly looking for someone to entertain me, or distract me. This book is doing a good job of distracting me lately. It is Play Dirty by Sandra Brown. Not your usual story...so far I am intrigued... I love books about football players, teams, or navy seals. Just wierd I guess...
until later...d

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Contemplating Drugs [17 Aug 2007|07:40pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

No one should read this I am just venting as usual... I may regret writing in 10 mins. Who knows... But I am so mad... the venting must be done...

I am thinking I need some Happy pills. (Like every other person in the world takes like prozac or such.) And school hasn't even started. Maybe if I focus my life more on school and forget my idiotic family I would be feeling a lot better. But this is the last week of staying home and doing nothing with the idiot family.

I am so mad at my spouse. He works constantly. He never asks me about my life, he hardly interacts with the kids and he does NOTHING for them. I take them everywhere, feed them, run them, pick them up, yadda yadda yadda. He works. It would be great if he worked and got paid extra, but he don't, he just works for the freakin fun of it.

His mother is visiting and she is only here for a few hours, but one comment totally ticked me off. She was trying to say in a nice way that she wasn't too upset Taylor went to visit his cousin for three days. I wanted to say.. um when the fuck have you ever been anywhere for my child? When have you ever offered to babysit or have them over or done anything. The ONE TIME he did visit you - HE had to ask if he could visit. So no I don't make him stay around when you suddenly decide to devote some time to family.

K on the other horse... I am so angry all the freaking time. I am angry with my Own mother who is constantly bossing me, and telling me what to do and trying to manipulate me or control me. It so pisses me off. I really need to write and get this off my chest every day.

I wish this computer was in the living room so I could do this and watch tv. But asshole/workaholic wanted a quiet office so he could work at HOME.. Cept now he is never in it, cause he is on his laptop out there working in front of the tv. Since he basically ran the kids off... see... the constant circle I am in.

I don't like the people I am stuck with all the time, and I am wondering if I need to make a major change or if once I start school I will adjust and get over the ticked off attitude. or what... i dunno...
I am sure J1 has someone on the side and so that is leaving a real bad taste in my mouth. I tossed J2 OUT the window. Should have never even spoke with him, and now I am happy he is gone. He was a bit weird.
So I am at a loss - a weird space in my life, where I want to be alone, and find new people that make me feel great to be around.

maybe I am just sick...

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job hunting & interview side shows [07 Aug 2007|04:08pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I decided I should make more money so I thought I would attempt to get a part time job after school - like say on the weekends, waitressing or such. But no, to my dismay restaurants I applied with said they don't hire part time. Which is nutty to me, but O.K.

So, here I sit at my computer thinking I should be making some money somehow. I am going to search online again.

However, while I was out at this one restaurant. BBQ place - I decided to have lunch since it smelled so great and I was starving. So I order and as I sit alone in my booth, I watch others around me. I notice two men, obviously the mangers of the restaurant interviewing people at another booth. So both guys are chunky maybe 30 if that, I watch how they interviewed these two girls and OMG. It was crazy. One was funny, and questioning, and doing a serious eye contact ( almost leaning into the girls) the other was obviously the observer, he just made a few comments here and there. Much more reserved. But as each girl left, they totally watched the girls walk away, and grinned and nudged each other. I decided, dear God, how would I interview with these two clowns. So I stuff the application in my purse and ate my lunch and decided, I should find other work, cause others that were younger would be working here.

So, any ideas? What kind of job can a teacher do at night? That would make money? I have two weeks almost of free time now left before school starts full swing. And the money in the bank is dwindling.

However, good news is, I did an awesome walk today. It was nice through some new neighborhoods that has a wooded trail and almost like a hike.
Also, yesterday the kids and I took off to Turner Falls Oklahoma, and it was really pretty to see all the falls and water running down the rock. I so want to go camping somewhere, however not right now in the 100 degree heat. OUCH.

Also this weekend I came to the conclusion that J2 and I are not, and should not be. We met, it was awkward to say the least. I give up. I don't want a booty call guy. I don't want sex in the back seat of a truck. I don't want any part of that kind of guy. That seems to be what he wants, so I pretty much blew it off. So
on the other side of that coin, same thing with J1 he seems totally uninterested in me or my life, acting very odd these days.

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new blog ideas of the day [22 Jul 2007|03:24pm]
- perhaps I should start a new blog just to list the grievances of my mother.

- perhaps I should consult a therapist

- perhaps I should blog all the funny thing said around my house each day I could make money on all the witty remarks.

- perhaps I should pay and online job thing $22 for training material so I can do data entry at home and Make extra cash - according to them.

- I am ready for school to start and to be busy again. I am restless and anxious.

- I am sleeping and eating way too much. Its depression I think.

- perhaps I should have went to my neices soccer party so I could sign with a couple that is deaf and I could practice.

- perhaps the dog that just pooted can GO OUT - EWWWW.

- perhaps the hubby the hubby will go back to work tomorrow from vacation, what am I thinking ... OF COURse he will go back to work, he hates being home with us. we bore him, hell i bore myself.

- perhaps I should not wallow in pity and yet here I sit in my pjs... its 3:30 yep...

-perhaps I should call doc to get results of test, since it has been a week.
- perhaps NOT.

- perhaps I should walk the dogs tonight - at the park that makes me happy and swing on the swings... I am tempted to take a picnic and eat there. that would piss off mom since she is planning a FRIED Feast once again. (to do that I would have to get dressed hmmm??)

- perhaps I should go clean out garage and see if I can find the Right tennis racquet that is now missing. the crappy ones are there and I can't hit crap with it... errrr, no tennis when it is in my back yard and beckons me each night with its lights.

- perhaps I should take the dogs to the vet for a checkup

- perhaps I should actually go find some kind of work to do. ...
later
d
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family ties...tied up and gag me... [11 Jul 2007|06:53pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Today I am irratated because I stayed home all day. NOT good. I can't stay here all day with nothing to do and listen to my mother constantly. She drives me nuts. Totally irriatating.

So today I thought about writing some on my one and thought maybe I can make some money that way or I should get a part time job doing something outside of the house. Anything to get away from her. Why did I invite my parents to live with me when I can't live with her.

My best friend called me today. With stupid news. I have grown away from my small, simple minded idiot friend from the hick small town. I kid you not, she called me this morning to tell me She has heard this rumor that one of our dear friends has had..... cosmetic surgery. OH dear. I was thinking what the fuck? Do I care if this person has cosmetic surgery. NO. Do I want people talking about me if I had had this proceedure. NO.. so why the hell did this chick call me and tell me. I could care LESSSSSS.

That bothered me a lot today because it is something my mother would feel or say or do. She would feel the same as I do. and I Hate BEING LIKE MY MOTHER. So I had planned to go to the park tonight to walk and let the dogs run. But NOW once again it is sunny out but freaking raining. This weather is the strangest thing I have ever seen. So crazy. Rain Rain Rain. Texas is never like this.

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[10 Jul 2007|01:06pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I totally forgot about my pink poker party, I shall list it in photos cause it was so fun... maybe if I can figure out the photo thingy.

anyway it was fun, we wore tiarras, drank margaritas and played poker which I have never even played before. Of course I lost 10 bucks but it was fun...






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Mid Summer [10 Jul 2007|12:36pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Here we are mid summer and I am chomping at the bit to go back to school. I am digging up lesson plans and such.

Life is a bit boring lately. I am growing in some ways. Happy with Hubby at home but other interest are still there in the background.

I went out with my best friend this weekend and she says: I am totally male motivated which we knew already. But she feels I treat other women bitchy and I flirt with all men. Say for example waiters and waitresses. I do not feel I treat the girls bitchy.. I have been a waitress. It aint easy. I always try to be nice to them. But it maybe that I am standoffish with women. I am wondering if I am or not, now.

In our conversations she says she thinks there is something wrong with her because she doesn't think about sex all the time like I do. She thinks I am a nympho, because I comment or watch men a LOT. She also said I have no emotional attachtement to sex, which I think is crazy. I think she is crazy.
but it does make me think... why don't i have lots of girl friends, or a new best friend since she obviously is nuts. LOL!! I do like men a lot more than women. Big deal...

Tay just returned from St. Thomas. He was gone for 3 weeks. It was hard. The grandparents loved him. We are thinking of heading to San Antonio for some fun. We may float the river in New Braunsfels but it may be too rough with all the rain we have had lately.
Dogs are great. Kids are great. Hubby is great. The parents are living with us and they are healthy so that is good. Over all pretty simple, easy summer.

I am determined to be fit by 40 because my stupid cousin offered to sell me the fat patch because i was so fat... which sucks so I am uping the exercise and working on getting rid of the fat... i hate dieting, but I am making some better choices it would help if I was NOT at home all day. I may change that also soon, I am thinking of taking a second job, just to get out of the house and not sit under my MOTHER's constant scorn and I would like to make more money.

I am not writing lately... brain fried on originality... which sucks.

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here I am again... [11 Jun 2007|03:21pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Today, I was awake at 7:30 - thinking. Gosh I wish I had something to do. I lay there. I decided to sleep more. I got up at 9ish and wandered around, read some. Then wandered down to the parents and had some cereal. Holy cow I sound twelve.

I went to groc. Bought some shorts since I am so fat. Ate all day which makes me more fat.. makes me mad. I want a part time job, but I also want to be free too. So I am so contradictory (that its not even a word )well...

I am thinking today about song lyrics. I want to write some, or something important. I have been watching reruns of movies and some are so good.

Oh yes yesterday we went to see Ocean's13 - very tongue in cheek, cute lots of hot guys of course, predictable. But an outing wow... we also rode around in the jeep which is the most fun ever. I still LOVE my jeep.

It is really getting HOT outside and I am praying I can afford the a/c in this big of a house. Dear lord I may need a part time job just for that. I miss Tay i hope he is having fun..

off to read more...

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continued [08 Jun 2007|07:34pm]
Well - finally leave the dogs out of this, now that they are happy.

The kids are gone a lot, and hubby works 24/7 so that leaves me with the empty nest syndrome. But then add my mother in to live with me. - She drove me nuts when I was younger why did I do this to myself. Who knows. Anyway, I escape upstairs from mom most of the time and I should be thankful - she does help out a lot around the house.

Taylor flew to St. Thomas where his grandmother lives and Ty is at a friends house. Hubby works all the time and my mind is blank as to what I should do.

more later...
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It's official [08 Jun 2007|06:27pm]
Finally, summer has arrived! I have so many contrasting feelings of summer. I love being out of school. That nice for about two weeks. I love being off work, sleeping late, no responsibility. I love getting paid to sleep late and have no responsibility. I miss the kids. I miss working to occupy my empty head. I miss my friends or griping about school I think. I love reading whatever I want. But I want to read other stuff.

This year is different. Yes its summer, but the kiddoes are bigger and they are gone all the time. i will have to write more later when the dogs are not pushing my arm for a walk...
later
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mrs [23 Mar 2007|11:08pm]
today i got the news you don't want to hear - your in your head affair is ending-- how stupid is this...
why i find it devastating I don't know, but when someone is in your head a lot, you hate for them to go away. I see Mrs everyday and today he announced he is moving on... it is like the secret thoughts in your head will be over because i won't see him again... and it makes me sad inside because to me he was more in my head than in real life. You know how you convinece yourself - your life revolves around him. You get up and go to a wierd job because of him, you think of any reason to speak or just stand beside him. You watch his reactions to everything... you think about what he is wearing... and it makes me ill that I have to start a new relationship with someone who is NOT as incredible as him. On the other hand, he is moving on... we have nothing but a work relationship with HIS side being totally totally professional and mine only wishful thinking... but it leaves me wishing someone wanted me in that same way.... just to have another option than where I am...
so am I sick at heart... yeah heartsick is true...

so I m sickeningly sappy tonight and sad...
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alone at last... [10 Feb 2007|09:50pm]
Well it has certainly been a serious while since I have been totally alone. Almost two years. J1 is out of town. Parents went to cousins house. Kids went to a party. So I find myself in a very LARGE a bit strange house. It doesn't bother me in this house, while most rooms have people in them, however, it is a bit erie tonight.

I sent J2 an email ending whatever you would call what we had. He was great about that. Then last week, I was so frustrated and feeling loney and I could not resist emailing him again. but I think it is just an online thing that I want, just a conversation type thing or something for my ego to feel like there is someone out there that listens to me or such, maybe it is my peace of mind and such, I dunno.

well i am loving some books I recently purchased and wow... i need to go read. I have a ton to do tomorrow.. clean house, grade papers, lesson plans, and make dinner. J1 will be home for dinner - so. I shall play the happy homemaker... once again.

a friend of mine broke up with her fiancee this week after seven years of dating and one year of living together. she is very sad... how hard will valentines day be for her too? hmmmm.....

i must go to read... later
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